Reading, music, and some Italian.........

Shift-ho!

2009-10-30T14:13:00.000-07:00

On Wordpress now. http://ramaaramesh.wordpress.com
(Sowie. Nice theme and ease of use and better looks pulled me there.)

Jai Hind

2009-01-26T12:05:00.001-08:00

He lays down his life for us. What, really, is his reward? A posthumous award? His grieving, stoic widow? His orphaned child staring at his photograph? Can anything really compense a lost life? What patriotism can make a man do! I salute each man who has sacrificed his life to protect each of ours. I owe my life to each of you. Jai Hind!

The Summer Internship Process

2008-11-04T12:36:00.000-08:00

The month of November, for your average top-of-the-line Indian b-school, is a busy one. And so it is here, at what an illustrious alumnus prefers to call the Jamshedpur Institute of Management. The junior batch gears up for the arduous, patience-testing, mentally tiring Summer Internship Process (SIP). Unmentionable words include Group Discussion, Slot 0, Personal Interview, sign-out, still-in-process, extended shortlists, offers, job loss and announcements. The senior batch comes together in a show of solidarity and dividing itself into four groups, helps in every way it can, ensuring that juniors are kept well-fed, entertained, informed and relaxed.

I salute each and every man and woman out there who stood through the process. There were, I know, moments of exhaustion, when you were simply sick of PIs with no positive result, watching batch mate after batch mate sign out with celebrations and cheers, happy for them but unable to suppress your anxiety at when you would be that one. I take my hat off to every signed-out batch mate who came to the holding area, sat there helping friends with a pecking order, suggesting tips for interviews, revising and refreshing their IR and marketing concepts, cheering them on, motivating them to give their best, serving refreshments, and simply being there for them. It would have been so easy to watch four movies back-to-back sitting in your rooms- but no, you were there. And that made all the difference.

One batch of one hundred and eighty seven students learnt that brilliant academics, an outstanding CV, the best pecking order possible, after consulting nearly every senior- nothing mattered really at the end of the day. What mattered was what you were made of- did you stand up to the occasion, or did you break? People who wouldn't have deemed themselves capable of it, sat days into the process, holding on, not quitting, giving all they could to every call, and learnt such a lot in the process. Not just about how to crack interviews, but how to motivate themselves and accept failure- two lessons for life that far outweigh a summer internship with any company.

A big thank you to every senior who helped untiringly, with suggestions, information, opinions, and cheering sessions. Thank you, all three teams who took care of the controls, the refreshments and the 'escorting' ;-) I for one couldn't have done it without you, and I'm sure every junior will agree.

Oh, there were bad patches, and some unfortunate attitudes, but what good does dwelling on them do? This SIP, I glimpsed- no, experienced- spirit, solidarity and generosity, and that leaves me light-hearted with a simple joy that the best 'sign-out offer' cannot give!

Spring cleaning my character. And my persona.

2008-07-24T12:36:00.000-07:00

How easy or difficult is it to blog about life? Not an isolated incident, or a specific person, but the whole myriad of colours and emotions that is called Life. Regular readers of my Orkut profile might notice the shift towards to reticence and, perhaps, self-introspection. Gone, atleast for now, are the grins and exclamations and wit and monologues.

I've been asking around, and trusted friends have been asked what they percieve as my three major weaknesses. Because, sometimes, I become blind to my own faults, cling to what I think are my strong points, when they may actually be doing more harm than help, and become entrenched in my own idea of Me.
Not a good idea in the long run.
It's time to grow. :-)

On Leaving Singara Chennai

2008-05-29T02:21:00.000-07:00

What I'll always remember about this city is the typical autodriver.

Me: Chennai City Centre poganumga.
A: Aan?
Me: Citi Centre, City Centre.
A: Mylapore?
Me: (relief) Haan... adhaan.
A: (expectant air) Polaam, ma
Me: (apprehensive) yevvlo?
A: (thinking furiously, settling down on an air of sacrifice) 100 rupees kudunga.. (gets into auto)
Me: Hundred a? Idho, inga irukku.. daily poren, yen kittiye solringle... 60 rupees kudukkaren, correct-a irukkum.
A: (sad shake of head) yaaru ma varuvanga... Yethhini signal irukku theriyumla... neenga daily poreenga, unglukke theriyum.. 80 rupees.. unglukkosram..
Me: (considering return expenses) 70
A: 75 rupees... vaanga, yerunga..

So.
I'm leaving Chennai.
Maybe for good.
"Go to the UK", appa advises me. "Bright future."
Anyway. That comes later.
I don't know what to feel. I've never been outside of the city for more than 11 days at a stretch, and each time, I missed it even more crazily than before. There are endless things to take, clothes, the laptop, the mobile, everyday things I haven't given a second thought- toothbrush, paste, hairbrush, earrings, charger, money, oh goodness, lip balm-
"Don't think about it all at one go", says appa. "It'll overwhelm you."
Too late.

So, I'm leaving Chennai of the heat and the autodrivers and the Valluuvar Kottam and yelaneer and going away to Jharkand, to the small city of Jamshedpur. To study, to learn about life, prepare myself to face the outside world, delve into the intricacies of business, and- find myself.

I've always been a so-so. So-so at everything, a Jack of all trades (I refuse to say Jill). Music, acads, everything. So-so-ness becomes a way of life after a while, as it has with me. Complacency sets in, and I'm terrified to consider change, and rooted in my conviction of so-so-ness.

M says I have a lot to learn.

I do.

An untitled blog.

2008-04-04T04:46:00.000-07:00

The issue I'm tackling today is perhaps one that I have no right to discuss- those closest to me will probably vouch for my lack of this quality. However. At the risk of raised eyebrows, scornful Hah!s and hushed muttering from my nearest and dearest, I'm still going ahead to discuss something that I find is close to my heart.

An issue that startles most of us, and something that, coming from a reasonably conservative family, I find shocks most people, is that of unwed mothers. At the outset, let me issue a couple of disclaimers. One- I'm a conservative liberal. Figure that out for yourselves. Two- I believe in speaking my mind. That should be pretty clear. Getting back. What is it about unwed mothers that makes them such outcasts? The world talks of opening up, globalising and the spirit of moving with the times. The very same world, where I live anyway, emits startled Gasps, tut-tuts dispprovingly and looks upon an unmarried but pregnant girl with disgust and prefers to get as far away from her as is humanly possible.

I'm not asking every woman to get pregnant before marriage. The last thing I would do is encourage risky pre-marital relationships. And, in all honesty, I doubt if I will ever find myself in the shoes of an unwed mother. All I want to say is- is one not entitled to one's choice? If I, as a young woman of twenty, choose to have a child, select the father of my child, donot see the necessity to marry, prefer to remain single and want to go ahead with my life, can I not be left in peace? After all, my life is mine. I don't ask you to play a father figure to my child, nor do I depend upon you, a total stranger, for maintaining my child or myself. What right then do you, as an individual who has little or nothing to do with me, have to criticise me?

A single parent often has to cope with circumstances that would leave another respectably married one baffled. Any parent will tell you how difficult managing a child can be, even with another parent's support. Try taking care of a one year old alone for a day, and you will know. The first hour seems like a honeymoon- a smiling, mostly toothless child can delight a warm heart, and how! And then, as the hours go by, irritation sets in, the child wriggles, squirms restlessly, demands food and water every now and then, pees with the regularity of a water pipe, falls down a million times, bursting into tears each time and as you frantically try to appease it, screams even louder. Wearying is not the word- and all this, all twenty four hours of each day- without a partner, having to cook, clean and carry out all the million other duties every woman and mother has. To play both father and mother to a child is a most difficult task. The poor single mother has enough to worry about, without the added worry of a stranger's contemptuous looks or stray remarks cruelly wounding her.

Acceptance is that rarest of qualities- it comes only with maturity and many a time, has nothing to do with age or background. It is the ability to understand that another's viewpoint may be different from your own- what may seem unacceptable to you may, to another, be the only way of life.

I may not be a single mother at any point in my life, but this I know- if my child to choose to be one, she will have my support-; it may be a difficult, even controversial choice, but she is entitled to her own choice.

Taare Zameen Par..

2008-01-04T05:50:00.000-08:00

Inside of each grown-up, mature adult with duties, responsibilities and worries, there lurks a playful child, hankering after ice creams and amusement park rides, chocolate and teddy bears, playgrounds and the sheer joy of innocence. Once in a lifetime, a man recognises this fact, decides to worship the child within man, and ditching comercialisation for soul, translates his dream into a reality that leaves one weeping, laughing, wondering, reflecting and determined to do one's mite to changing the world.

Welcome to Taare Zameen Par. Even as I post this, I hum the bars of the title song, and feel moved. For those of us who have been too busy to watch it, please do. In your own interests. If you have, you know what I'm talking about.

The subjects of dyslexic children, insensitive parents, and a mark-oriented academic system are nothing new to the world of cinema. But to gather these subjects up gently with a discerning hand, dispense with all unnecessary drama, bind them together with sensitivity and an innate understanding, and then weave them together into an intensely humane, intensely human tapestry coloured by dreams and real emotions-happiness, worry, betrayal, laughter, innocence, promise-takes more than skill. It takes a love of children, an understanding of the enormity of the subject at hand. Mr.Khan, you win hands down.

At the core, it is a simple enough story- a child with depressing academics and an inclination towards mischief drives an insensitive father and a bewildered mother to deposit him at a boarding school where he is neither understood not loved. His love of and obvious genius at painting are never given the measure of appreciation they deserve. Along comes an art teacher who, mystified by the unusual depth of sadness in this child's eyes, delves ito his life and sees not an incorrigible rascal, but a dyslexic, frightened, nearly traumatised boy. Deeply touched, he takes the initiative that even Ishaan's parents have not, and invests in the boy love, interest and patience. Ishaan makes a comeback that stuns the world.

Taare Zameen Par made me cry, it made my grin, clutch my heart and say Ohmigoodness, but most of all, it opened my eyes to a world that needs understanding- the world of dyslexic children, of handicapped or specially abled children(as is the politically correct term). If the world invested half the time that it did on being politically correct, on the children who really need it, this planet may yet discover the core of childhood buried within it. Love needs no instructor and patience needs no teaching- all it takes is a heart.

Do you have one?

DIkshithar, the Phenomenon- II

2007-04-19T07:26:00.000-07:00

Note: Please read the previous post before you cut your teeth on this one. Titled DIkshithar, the Phenomenon.

I choose to begin this blog without much brouhaha; no quotes, no statements.

In the previous part of this tribute to DIkshithar, I touched upon the beauty and tangibility of his lyrics. In this one, I examine the rAga-bhAva aspects. An article on DIkshithar that I read recently stated that each krithi of DIkshithar, irrespective of the rAgam concerned, is a rAga AlApana couched in exquisite lyrics. It struck me very strongly at the time that this is probably the reason why, if one learns a krithi of his in a particular rAgam, one is able to assimilate that rAgam and its nuances with ease. Simply singing one of his krithis sans the sAhityam is nothing but an AlApana, and this applies to every single work of his-- such was MuthuswAmi DIkshithar's command over the world of ragas.

In particular, I will recommend Shri KAnthimatim(HEmavathi) and AgasthIshwaram(LalithA) as also RAmachandrENa SamrakshitOham(MAnji) and JambUpathE(YamunA KalyAni). The celebrated anupallavi of AgasthIshwaram is one fluid, bhAva-laden drug of a LalithA exposition, filling the listener with a tender, turbulent insatiability- I have seen people weep as they listen to this line, not knowing why they do so. And if LalithA creates a heavy, sombre mood, DIkshithar creates a different and equally vivid sensation with YamunA KalyAni; "Ambuthi gangA kAveri yamuna" is one of my favourite parts of that krithi. There is a sweet upsurge of joyousness and the listener, or rather the experiencer, is dipped in the sanctifying waters of the rivers and bathed in the gentle swell and dip of YamunA KalyAni, sunk in rapture.

Every ragam- be it a melakartA or a Janya rAgam- is brought out in all its flourishing glory- where DIkshithar was concerned, there was no question of any rAgam having a limited scope; a different scope, perhaps. :)

And the one chief distinguishing factors: while numerous other composers may have composed in these rAgas, very few, arguably, have been able to present them this creditably on all three scores- bhAvam, sAhityam, and full usage of the rAgam.

The next part of the topic will deal with DIkshithar, the actual personality behind his music.
Till then, "JambUpathE, mAm pAhi"!!

DIkshithar, the Phenomenon

2007-04-18T07:10:00.000-07:00

SuhAsitha nava javandhi pushpa vihAsitha priya hrudayam sadhayam
mAsa varsha pakshOtsava vibhavam sadhA shivam paramashivam- Shree MAthrubootham.....

If I had ever to name one person who has changed my life, I would not have to think too hard. Then again, neither would anyone who has been exposed to the beauty of the compositions of Shri MuthuswAmy DIkshithar. Of all the composers who have added beauty, grace and fulfilment to the ocean of carnAtic music, DIkshithar occupies pride of place.

The journey into the world of his krithis is a spiritual journey- at times passionately evocative, at others serene, sublime, and at still others, an inner discovery of self and soul, as one swept away on a newer plane of understanding, which is often the case.

As a student of his school of musical salvation, so to speak, the urge to analyse his music and the man himself, is irresistible. Who was DIkshithar? What inspired him to such unattainable heights of ecstasy? And even more- what is it about his music that has such an effect, such an influence on the listener?

I must at this point state that I have neither the experience nor even the status to dissect compositions of such calibre and a man-God of such mettle, but drawing upon my license as a lover of DIkshithar compositions and a slave to his music, I now commence trying to understand something of his divine music. How much ever one may discuss DIkshithar with like minded souls, true understanding (I believe) comes from an intensely personal, solo exploration of his works and their influence on oneself.

My initiation into the universe of DIkshithar began quite inconspicuously- a routine, if well padantharam-ed GNB version of MahA ganapathim, courtesy my former music teacher Smt.Prema Hariharan. I was at the time eleven years old and too young to appreciate the magnitude of what really had begun- a small step that would blossom into a irrevocable love affair with sanskrit, spirituality, and most important, DIkshithar.

In the following seven years, I learnt a number of his works, but regrettably, without really experiencing what I sang. Just as I sang every other krithi- well learnt, well-rehearsed, and well-presented, but the soul was missing. Not that I can claim an abundance of soul now, but atleast I recognise and am awed by the sheer beauty and magnificence of what I sing.

When exactly I fell in love with DIkshithar I donot know, but junta had a significant lot to do with it. SK, Sai P, Hari, Aishu, and Audi, as also Bala- Thank You. :) Words are not enough.

While learning a DIkshithar krithi, one first analyses the lyrics. The beauty of DIkshithar's imagination and his veratility with the most beautiful language in the world-Sanskrit- are to be seen/read/experienced to be believed. There is a beautiful marriage of meaning and metre that I cannot find anywhere else.

A sense of continuity is another highlight- one can finish Shiva KaAmeshwaIm and comfortably take off with KamlAmbam Bhajare; this is something that I think is true- others may disagree. I donot refute their status as independent, beautiful pieces, I just see an invisible link from and to all of his krithis. Like consecutive shlokAs in a mAla of shlokAs. The deity does not matter either- Shakthi or Shivam, how does it matter? And what better place to analyse Advaitam than in the compositions of DIkshithar?

Each word, each line shines with classical beauty and resonates with divine splendour. Sanskrit never sounded this beautiful before, surely!

"ShItha kirana nibha vadanAm shrutha chintAmani sadanAm
pItha vasanam guruguha mAthula kAntham lalithAm"- HiranmayIm lakshmIm

"Pradaja vishwa vilAsini panchanAdeesha ullAsini
vEda shAsthra vishwAsini vidhi harihara prakAshini"- Dharma samvardhani

"NirvikalpagasamAdhi nishta shiva kalpagatharO
nirvisEsha Chaitanya niranjana guruguha gurO"- JambUpathE

"AganNitha suguna gananatha vibhIshanam
GaNathara kausthubha mani vibUshanam
Guni jana kruthavEda pArAyanam
Guruguha muditha nArAyanam"- Shree RanganAyakam

The instances are innumerable, the delicacy varied and exquisite.
And the feelings evoked? Too many- an amalgam of wonder, reverence, love, worshipfulness, divine fervour; an humble and overwhelming submission to the Divine.

The clock stands in the way of all that I want to type now, but more in day or two. For this topic is like DIkshithar himself: Endless. :)

Ramaa

Composers, composers.......

2007-01-24T21:30:00.000-08:00

To the vast hordes of non-learners of Carnatic music, and sadly, even to some learners, "composers" as a term generally refers to the musical Trinity, and a select few others. To be frank, that was the case with me as well till about two years ago, when I began exploring lesser known composers. And stumbled upon a mine!
It took me another year to realise that these were not really lesser known composers, it was just a question of my own ignorance. A humbling, educational experience!
Among the composers I "discovered" were Subbaraya Sastri and Annaswamy Sastri, both descendants of Sri. Shyama Sastry, eldest of the musical trinity. In particular, the compositions of Subbaraya Sastri interested me, and though I did not learn many, I collected a number of his works from books on the subject, chiefly from Smt. Vidya Shankar's book on his compositions.
Anyway, getting back to where I began, I can perhaps answer my own statemnt-question: the very fact that the Trinity continue till date to hold their sway over all other composers of calibre explains why they do!

Hmm. I wonder why.

2007-01-21T02:33:00.000-08:00

I have a question for people. No, several, actually. One, is Lakshana important or is Lakshya important when you consider Carnatic music? Or, to put it this way, which is more important??

And the second: Why is it that there are always fewer female Carnatic singers than males? Now, I know you're going to point Aruna Sairam , or MS and say "Hah!", but then Ill have TNS, and TMK and Sanjay and .... well, you get the point. Also,why is it that 99% of composers are men, as well, not to mention the Trinity. Let's get something clear here, it isnt that Im complaining. Anyone, anyone who loves music will love the Trinity, and Im part of that list. But then, where are all the women?

To elaborate, a large number of girls, probably more than boys, start out learning music. Every third girl child here in Chennai attends paattu class. What happens somewhere along the way? Is it just that they lose focus, or that they face opposition at home to performing, or just that they outgrow the childish earnestness to learn and to sing?

finally....... :)

2006-10-25T06:33:00.000-07:00

My first proper blog since i got started. Im cursed never to remmember peole's birthdays, I think..... god knows how many friends Ive lost that way. :( sat down to it and made a list of friends' birthdays...... about 20 done so far..... hmmm.

getting started.....

2006-08-30T06:17:00.000-07:00

This is my very first blog............I honestly donno what to say.......
So Ill make beginning with a prayer and the hope that everything works out well for us on Vijay TV.....